


Little Bit of Sugar (lots of poison too)

by silentterror



Category: Topp Dogg (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Age Play, Age Regression/De-Aging, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Caregiver/little, Daddy Kink, Eventual Fluff, Heavy Angst, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Poor Examples of A Caregiver, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romance, Self-Harm, Stockholm Syndrome, domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-10-14 16:50:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10540560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentterror/pseuds/silentterror
Summary: Hansol has a bad Daddy. A very very mean one. Hansol is rescued and recovers.Enter Jiho and Byungjoo; a Daddy with a big heart and a man with lots of love to give.





	1. ashes, ashes (time to go down)

**Author's Note:**

> Listen folks. Don't read this if you can't handle some heavy ass angst. As of right now, there is not a graphic rape scene. However, there is spousal rape depicted. I wrote my own experience. Parts of this are very legitimate and true to my life. To those who might choose to say I shouldn't write this or I shouldn't post this, oh well. It is therapeutic for me to write my traumas finally after a year of trying to deal with them. Also, this is a CGl fic. Meaning, age play and the use of Daddy as well as other terms. Don't read this if that makes you uncomfortable. Junyoung represents my ex-husband. Junyoung's name was chosen from a common male Korean names list. Junyoung is not a good Caregiver/Daddy. He is a rapist and abuser.
> 
> Anyways, this is my first Topp Dogg fic. I love them a lot and I feel terrible for putting Hansol, my precious son, through this, but I really wanted to write a CGL. And I especially wanted to write a Jihanjoo.  
> I promise this will all have a happy ending. I hope you enjoy this.

 

"Please, stop." The request was quite, a whisper in the night; the sound of skin hitting skin almost drowning it out.

"No, you've been a bad boy." A harsh voice. An angry voice. A scary voice. A growl ripping through the calm night.

"Sassafras. Sassafras. _Sassafras_. Please. Stop."

Crying. So many tears should have been falling. Why wasn't he stopping? He should have stopped now. _Please stop_.

"I don't think so. You deserve this. Now, tell Daddy how much you like this. Tell Daddy you want this." More demands. More growls. A sharp slap to skin. More crying.

So many tears that weren't there.

"No. No. _No_. I don't want this. Please stop. _Please_. Sassafras."

Choking.

Crying.

Bruises.

Pain.

So much pain.

How did this happen?

How did he get here?

"That's a good boy." Praise, but not the kind Hansol wanted. Not the kind he needed. "Just be quiet and take it like I know you can."

Skin hitting skin.

A sharp slap.

A loud cry followed by another slap.

"I said. Be. Quiet."

Choking.

Crying.

Struggling.

"Yes, that's a good boy." A loud grunt. Ceasing movement.

The darkness retracted. The presence disappeared.

Crying.

So many tears.

But they weren't there. 

 

* * *

 

"Hansol, you need to leave him." Sehyuk was right. He was always right.

"I can't. He takes such good care of me. I can't leave him. I love him." Hansol knew his words sounded fake. They were fake. But partially true. He couldn't leave. _He could never leave._

"Hansol," Sehyuk's voice had that edge to it, the one that made Hansol look up, startled. Sehyuk never spoke like that to him, only to their other friends when they acted up. "He takes care of you when he's not raping you."

"What?!" Hansol shrieked. That was a lie. Junyoung would never do that. Junyoung loved him. Junyoung would kill himself if Hansol left. He couldn't do that. He could never do that. "He has never raped me. Ever."

"Hansol," Sehyuk was clearly getting frustrated but he was doing everything he could to remain calm; the last thing Hansol needed was someone else yelling at him. "When someone continues having sex with you after you tell them to stop or use the safeword, it is rape. Plain and simple. I don't care if you are married or dating or strangers. It _is_ rape."

Hansol knew that. He was an advocate for sexual assault awareness on their campus. He knew all about spousal and familiar rape. But Junyoung would never do that. It wasn't rape. Hansol loved him. He was just overreacting.

"Hansol," Sehyuk was whispering now. It was never good when he was whispering. "Please think about it." He sounded so upset. What did Hansol do to upset him? He had no reason to be upset. Oh no. He was a terrible friend. He should listen to his friend.

"I will." It was a lie. Hansol was always lying. Why was he always lying? Why was he so _bad_? 

 

* * *

 

"Daddy, please."

Skin hitting skin.

"That's it, baby boy. Tell me what you need."

Grunting.

"Please stop."

Crying.

"Wrong answer."

Slap.

"Please."

More crying.

"What do you want baby?"

Wood hitting plaster.

"Stop. _Please_."

Slap.

"Wrong answer, again. You've been _so_ bad lately."

Screaming.

Always so much screaming.

 

* * *

 

 "Why are you never home when you should be?!"

Crying.

"Why are you always staying on campus so long?!"

Sobbing.

"Didn't your class end hours ago? Why weren't you home?!"

Screaming.

"I had homework to do. I'm sorry. I wanted to get it done there so I could come home and focus on you."

Sniffling.

"Well you should have done it sooner! You should have been home!"

Always so much screaming.

"Get on your knees."

 

* * *

 

"Hansol, please."

Someone was crying.

Who was crying?

"Hansol." Sehyuk. Sehyuk was there. Was Sehyuk crying?

The soft pad of a thumb brushed at Hansol's face causing the man to jerk backwards.

Oh.

He was crying.

_Why am I crying?_

"Come on, Hansol. Sangdo already packed your things. We cleared a room for you. It's time for you to leave."

"What am I leaving?" He was choking on his sobs, but there were still no tears.

 _Why_ am _I crying?_

"Hansol, sweetheart," Sehyuk sounded close to crying.

_Why do I make everyone cry?_

"You are leaving your abuser. You are leaving Junyoung. You have to. Your thighs are covered in bruises and you haven't stopped crying in an hour."

Oh. He must have blacked out again.

"Ok."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from Melanie Martinez's Milk and Cookies.
> 
> Come yell at/with me on [tumblr](http://silent-terrorx.tumblr.com/)~


	2. it's my party and i'll cry if i want to

"Joo~!" a tall man with short black hair called from the bottom of the staircase.

"Yes, Ji?" a man with shoulder length blond hair asked as he poked his head around the corner at the top of the stairs.

"Are you almost ready? Sangdo said to be there at noon. It's almost 11:30 now."

"I only need to brush my hair," Byungjoo called before disappearing around the corner. Jiho smiled to himself as he stood waiting for his boyfriend.

"Beautiful," he said with arms wide open when Byungjoo walked down the stairs.

"I'm literally only wearing khakis and a long sleeved shirt," Byungjoo said as he walked into Jiho's waiting arms.

"You're always beautiful," Jiho said as he kissed the side of Byungjoo's head. It was only when he leaned back slightly that he noticed the tear marks running down the smaller man's face.

"Again?" he whispered, dragging the pad of his thumb down the streaks.

"Off and on the entire morning," Byungjoo said with a soft smile. "I hope they're okay."

"Me too," Jiho whispered as he wiped away a fresh tear.

"Any new bruises?" Byungjoo asked, leaning into Jiho's palm.

"The thigh ones are fading, but these," Jiho brought his hands, palms up, in between them, "are getting worse." Dark, crescent bruises sat in the middle of the peach flesh of both palms. Three moons were facing his fingers and could be easily hidden if he made a fist.

"God, I hope they're okay," the smaller man said as he traced the dark blue moons with his fingertips.

"I'm sure they'll be okay. At least once we meet them we will know they will be okay. But for now, we need to get going. Sangdo will have our heads if we are late," Jiho said decisively before kissing the side of Byungjoo's head once more and retracting to put his shoes on.

"How will we know when we meet them? And what if we don't get along with them? What if our other soulmate isn't the same person? What if we have two different soulmates? What will we do then?" Byungjoo was rambling once they were in the car and on their way to Sehyuk and Sangdo's house. He always rambled when he was nervous. The couple was supposed to be meeting a friend of Sehyuk's with a small group of their other friends. Apparently, the kid had a pretty bad relationship he was trying to recover from, so they were supposed to act as a second support system for him.

Jiho glanced out of the corner of his eye to see fresh tears leaving trails on Byungjoo's face. As he gripped the steering wheel, he could feel the crescent bruises were getting worse. He took in a steadying breath before he attempted to calm his boyfriend. "Joo," he said softly but sternly. "I don't know the answers to all of your questions. I wish I did, but I don't. My gut is telling me that our person is the same person, but there is no way for me to know. I am sure when we meet them, we will know. Or we will figure it out. Everything will be fine, I know that much. We found each other, didn't we?"

Byungjoo nodded his head softly before he remembered Jiho couldn't necessarily see him. "Yeah, we did," he said with a wistful smile. As the houses and trees blurred by, Byungjoo couldn't help the feeling of nervous excitement that was brewing deep in his gut. Now if only his soulmate would find some joy in their life so tears would stop marking his face.

 

* * *

 

"Hansol, please. You need to come out to eat." Sehyuk. He was always worrying about Hansol. Always concerned the small man wasn't taking care of himself.

"Not hungry," Hansol mumbled out. His small hands were bunched into fists again and the familiar sting of nails biting into his flesh helped calm him. Sometimes he wished he didn't have a soulmate, simply so his tears could be his own instead of a stranger's. It had been years since Hansol had tears falling down his cheeks.

"Hansol, come on. We have someone we think you should meet. Nice people. Friends of ours." Sangdo this time. Hansol really did worry them too much.

_"You're not being a good boy!"_

Hansol shook his head quickly to rid the screaming in his head.

"You haven't had anything to eat in the past two days, you need to eat." Sehyuk, again. The poor couple really did bite off more than they could chew when they took Hansol in.

Had it really been that long since he ate?

_"That's it, take it. Suck it like you mean it."_

The screaming was back, but his stomach growling overpowered the noise. Sighing, the small man stood from his makeshift bed of pillows and blankets on the floor. The mattress Sehyuk and Sangdo bought for him was leaning against the wall, but it felt too soft for someone as worthless as Hansol.

Oh, how he wished he could cry for real.

Slowly, he unlocked the bedroom door and twisted the knob. His hands immediately fell back to his side in their default clenched position. The sting was calming. Hopefully he didn't break skin this time. He didn't want to have to worry about staining Sehyuk and Sangdo's belongings.

The smile the couple gave Hansol was soft and full of love, but the man missed it as he kept his sight trained on the carpet. He followed the couple as they made their way downstairs and into the dining room. Sehyuk pulled a chair out for him and then moved to sit at the head of the table, to Hansol's left. Only once he was seated did Hansol dare to look around. Sangdo was sitting to the left of Sehyuk, across from Hansol. Beside Sangdo sat a man with a large smile and short black hair. He was talking animatedly to the man beside him who had bleached blonde, almost white hair. There were visible tear stains on the man's face, but there were no tears in sight. The man was easily one of the most beautiful people Hansol had ever seen. When he smiled Hansol could have sworn he saw a halo over the stranger's head.

At the head of the table, opposite Sehyuk, sat a man with short black hair and a jawline that could cut glass. If the blonde man was the most beautiful person Hansol had ever seen, then this man was the most handsome. His aura was one of pure dominance, yet he also seemed incredibly gentle; the smile he had as he looked at the blonde was of only love and affection. Suddenly Hansol had the urge to fall to his knees and beg the stranger to take care of him, to love him.

_"On your knees, boy. Now."_

Taken aback from the sudden cry in his head, Hansol jerked in his chair and hugged his arms around his chest. If he would have looked up he would have seen the fresh tears coming down the blonde stranger's face. If he would have looked up he would have seen the looks of concern everyone was giving him. Instead, he didn't look up. He kept his head down.

_"Be a good boy for Daddy. Do as I say."_

He wanted to get out of there. No. He _needed_ to get out of there. Now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from Melanie Martinez's Pity Party.
> 
> Come yell at/with me on [tumblr](http://silent-terrorx.tumblr.com/)~


	3. cry baby, cry baby

"Hansol! Hansol, wait!"

Sehyuk.

Always Sehyuk.

Sehyuk who had been there for him. Through it all.

He met Sehyuk when they were 10. Hansol had just moved to the neighborhood and was alone. They sat beside each other in the lunchroom. Sehyuk was two years older than him, but he could tell Hansol needed a friend. He needed someone there for him. A protector.

Sehyuk was the first person he told. About how his step-dad liked to sneak into his room late at night. How when it was poker night, his stepdad would call him into the kitchen and have him sit on his friends' laps. He learned quickly that if he wanted to not be hurt, he would just have to be quiet. And never tell anyone. Ever.

But he told Sehyuk. And Sehyuk cried that night for him. Cried so hard, but no tears ever came. Instead they were on Sehyuk's best friend, Sangdo's, face. That was the day they realized they were soulmates. That was the day Hansol brought his best friend the most pain and the most happiness in one day.

That was the day Hansol first hurt himself.

He felt alone. He was 13 now and had no one. Sehyuk was already in highschool, but now he had also found his soulmate. Hansol was left behind. Hansol was alone. And sad.

That night he took an eraser from one of his pencils to his arm. He rubbed at his skin until it became raw. He continued to rub at the bright pink skin until the skin peeled away to tiny droplets of blood.

That was the day Hansol realized that self harm was supposed to make you feel better, but he even managed to fuck that up.

Sehyuk was there when Hansol turned 17 and found a new coping mechanism. He had always preferred acting younger than he really was. He could get his way when he was still young and naive and cute. His stepdad used to buy him cute dresses and dolls and toys when he was sad, so long as he would play with the older men. And he did. It was when he got older and more disobedient that his stepdad didn't like him anymore. He would hit him more than anything.

Oh, how he wished he could go back to being young and naive and cute.

So he did.

He found infantilism by mistake. He was simply scrolling online for cute pictures of cute things. One picture was of a cute, blue teddy bear with a sippy cup in its hand a pacifier beside the stuffie. The tags on the photo read _cgl_ , _mdlb_ , _ddlb_ , _mdlg_ , and _ddlg_. Curious as he always was, Hansol clicked on the first tag and found his new favorite thing. It fit him. It was everything he wanted.

That night he attempted to do what others had described as ‘slipping into littlespace’.

That night was the first time Hansol slept with a thumb in his mouth.

It was the best sleep he ever had.

Sehyuk was there when Hansol met Junyoung from an online forum. Sehyuk was there with words of caution and fear, but Hansol only pushed him away. He told his friend everything was fine; he trusted Junyoung.

Why was Hansol always pushing Sehyuk away?

Why was Hansol always running from Sehyuk's help?

Why was Hansol running down the sidewalk?

"Hansol, please wait. Please!" Sehyuk screamed, but he sounded so close to crying. The sound was enough to jar Hansol from his thoughts and skid to a halt.

_Where was he?_

"Sehyuk," he whimpered, falling to his knees. "What happened?" he asked when the older man stopped beside him, panting.

"You took off," the man managed to say in between large gasps of air. "We were getting ready to serve lunch, and you bolted out of the door."

Hansol tried to think hard of what had happened. He could only see the beautiful men sitting that the table: one with tears running down his face, and the other with clenched fists. What was this image? Was this what he ran from?

No.

No way.

He didn't run from two beautiful men who meant no harm to him.

Why did he run?

"I don't remember anything," he said softly. He was now laying down on the hard concrete. His breathing was ragged. His hands hurt. The eraser burn scars on his arms burned like they were fresh.

"Oh Hansollie," Sehyuk whispered. "Come on, let's go home."

When he realized Hansol had no intentions of moving from his spot, Sehyuk bent down to pick up the smaller boy. Hansol may have barely weighed half of Sehyuk's weight, but it was still a difficult feat with the boy not cooperating at all.

Seconds after getting the boy in his arms, bridal style, he saw Jiho and Byungjoo running down the sidewalk.

"Sehyuk!" Jiho cried when he saw the men. "Oh my God, is he okay?"

"Yea, he is at least unharmed physically right now, but he did have a pretty big panic attack. I'm worried about how he might feel in a bit." Sehyuk adjusted the boy in his arms, attempting to better distribute the weight. "Damn, he's heavier than he looks."

"Here, let me," Jiho said after he gained his breath back, Byungjoo standing off to the side, fresh tear marks marring his beautiful face.

 _'I don't know how Hansol would feel about that,'_ he _tried_ to say, but he was only able to get out an _‘I dunno’_ before Jiho was already winding his arms around Hansol's small frame.

The tall man walked back in the direction of Sehyuk and Sangdo's house. Byungjoo immediately fell into step beside his boyfriend as Sehyuk took up the rear. When Hansol whimpered softly, Jiho immediately shushed him, whispering soft comforts.

* * *

The walk back to Sehyuk's house took a lot less time than when they were originally running after Hansol. Or, at least it felt that way to Jiho. Maybe it was just because when they were chasing Hansol there was no indication of how long they would be running.

No matter, they were back now.

Sehyuk and Sangdo excused themselves to their room to talk about something. Taeyang, his boyfriend Yooncheol, and Sanggyun had all remained in the dining room, making small talk, when Sehyuk, Jiho, and Byungjoo ran after Hansol. Jiho was pretty sure that was where they still were, if they didn't leave already. Byungjoo was sitting on the plush couch, his legs crossed under him, as he played a random video game on Sehyuk's console. Jiho was sitting on the opposite of the end of the couch, watching his boyfriend and the boy in between them. Hansol was curled under no less than 3 blankets on the couch. His head was nestled under Byungjoo's arm in the crook of his hip. His legs were draped over Jiho's thighs.

Considering he just met the boy a few hours ago, Jiho couldn't imagine a more comfortable or _right_ scenario. His hands were resting gently on Hansol's shins, occasionally massaging and rubbing at the cotton sweatpant-covered flesh. Hansol, for the most part, was quiet. So quiet that Jiho was convinced he fell asleep at some point. When Byungjoo glanced up at his boyfriend, Jiho held up a hand to pantomime sleeping with a questioning look on his face. Byungjoo glanced down at Hansol's face who was staring at the TV, blinking occasionally.

Byungjoo shook his head to signify that no, _Hansol was not asleep_.

"Hansol," Jiho said quietly, hand continuing to rub on the smaller boy's legs. There wasn't any immediate reaction from the smaller boy, so Byungjoo tried after pausing the game and sitting his controller to the side.

“Hansol, sweetheart,” he whispered as his fingers carded through soft, light blue hair. It was the perfect color for the boy, Byungjoo thought to himself. Light blue, the color of the sky. The color of open air and freedom.

After many minutes of silence, Hansol finally rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. Jiho could now properly see his face, and the exhaustion hidden under smooth skin.

“I think we need to talk about this,” Jiho finally said, his hand still rubbing softly at Hansol’s shin. Hansol nodded but made no further movement or sound.

“Well,” Byungjoo said softly, glancing up at his boyfriend then back down to Hansol. “We never introduced ourselves. My name is Byungjoo. You can call me any variation of that really: Byung, Joo, B-Joo. Doesn't matter.”

“And my name is Jiho. You can call me Ji or JiJi, but please, don't call me Ho.” Jiho’s small joke was enough to get an equally small smile from Hansol, but it was a start.

“Sehyuk told us you go to the same university as us, but we are a year beh--”

“Are you guys soulmates?” Hansol asked softly, interrupting Byungjoo. It was the first time either of the couple had heard Hansol speak, and it left them reeling. Jiho couldn't help but question what his soft, high voice would sound like if it was full of joy and laughter. At that very moment he made it his goal in life to find out.

Byungjoo gave Hansol a small smile before saying, “Yes, we are.”

Jiho watched as Hansol’s face dropped, if it could drop any further. “But,” he began to say, not sure why he was speaking. “We have at least another soulmate somewhere. We aren't sure if our other soulmate is the same person, but I have a gut feeling it is.”

As Jiho spoke, Hansol slowly sat up, his curiosity piqued. Once he was sitting up fully he drew his legs underneath him as he sat upright. Byungjoo couldn't help but notice how the smaller boy’s posture was drawn into himself, even when sitting upright.

“You have another soulmate? How do you know?” Hansol asked, his voice just a bit more than a whisper.

“Well, you see…” Before he continued to speak, Jiho glanced at Byungjoo, seeking his approval before telling their secrets. When the blonde man nodded his approval, Jiho continued. “Joo is a very happy person. He hardly cries anymore. And same goes for me. I cry, yes, but not anything like I used to. One day Joo came running into my room. He looked like he expected to find me dead or something. There were tears running down his face and they didn't stop for hours. He thought I was crying, and he got scared. But I wasn't. That was when we knew he had another soulmate out there.”

“I was so scared,” Byungjoo whispered softly, not looking at either of the other men. “I still am. I hope my soulmate is okay.”

Jiho simply smiled reassuringly at his boyfriend before he continued his story. “When I was growing up I used to always have really obscure bruises on my skin. Bruises that made no sense for me to have. When I was a teenager, I had one the shape of a hand wrapped around my arm. I've never been grabbed like that. I knew I had a rare soulmate out there. One whose bruises I had appear on my skin. One day I met Byungjoo, whose tears I cried, and who cried my tears. When I asked him about the bruises, he had no idea what I was talking about. I quickly dropped the subject, but I knew. It took me a while to tell Joo. I was afraid he would think he wasn't enough. But things worked out. Now we just need to find our third. I know they have to be the same person. I know it in my gut.”

When Hansol glanced up from a speck of dust on the coffee table, he saw small tears flowing down Jiho’s cheeks. When he quickly looked to Byungjoo, he saw a mirror image of Jiho, but fatter tears.  
“Sorry,” Byungjoo whispered as he wiped his sleeve over his face. “We are just worried.”

For the first time in years, Hansol could feel his eyes water. Which was _weird_. So very _very_ weird. “Thank you for telling me,” he said softly, standing from his spot. “I think I will go sleep now.”

“Okay. We will stop by tomorrow to say hi,” Jiho said with a small smile, but Hansol didn't see it. Hansol already made a break for his bedroom.

A few minutes after hearing the door upstairs close shut, Jiho let out a soft gasp and looked to his arms. Byungjoo and he watched as tiny crescent moons appeared on both of his biceps. The direction indicating someone was hugging themselves with their nails biting into their skin.

It was impossible for Jiho to contain the small sob that escaped his chest.

That night Hansol wept for hours.

This time, with tears streaming down his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from Melanie Martinez's Cry Baby.
> 
> Come yell at/with me on [tumblr](http://silent-terrorx.tumblr.com/)~


	4. i'll shed a tear with your family

"Hansol," Sehyuk called in a soft voice. After receiving silence as a response, he tried again. "Hansol, you need to eat something. Jiho made me promise him that you would eat something before he and Byungjoo come to visit. It's already 4. They'll be here in an hour. Please come eat?"

When Sehyuk mentioned the other men, he began to hear shuffling in the enclosed room. Finally after what felt like an eternity, Hansol opened his bedroom door.

The younger man was wearing a long, black tee shirt that reached just above his knees. Covering his feet were long socks that were black with pink polka dots. Hansol looked so...  _ small  _ in his outfit. Sehyuk wanted to scoop him up and protect him from the world for life. But he knew he couldn't, so he looked away and grabbed the other's hand, leading him down the stairs.

Once Hansol was safely situated at the kitchen island, Sehyuk set about plating the food he made in hopes the younger boy would eat. Easy, filling, food would be the game of the day. Lots of carbs and protein seemed to be the best idea. With this in mind, Sehyuk had scrambled a couple of eggs and toasted a bit of bread with jam. Sure, it was almost evening, but it was never too late to eat breakfast. Once the food was carefully placed on a small, pink plate (Sangdo's idea in hopes it would encourage the other boy to  _ actually  _ eat something.) Sehyuk placed the small plate in front of the equally small boy with a blue sippy cup filled with juice. When Hansol quickly looked up at Sehyuk in question, his only response was a shrug.

Honestly, if you asked Sehyuk how he reached this point in his life, he would be as lost as you. Who would have thought that befriending the small, lonely 4th grader would lead to such a strange life.

The older man watched Hansol take small bites of his eggs for a few long minutes, before he decided to speak up.

"Hansol, why are you hurting yourself so much lately? Why aren't you eating regularly?"

"I'm just not hungry," the response was quick and short; curt.

"I've known you for more than half your life, Hansollie. I would hope you know that I can tell when you are lying." Real talk? Sehyuk was tired of the running around in circles.

"I miss him, Sehyuk," Hansol put his fork down against his plate, but he continued to stare at the food.

"Please tell me you are not talking about Junyoung..."

The whimper that escaped the smaller man's body was heart wrenching to Sehyuk. "I really do, Sehyuk. I know I should be mad at him. I am mad at him. He hurt me. A lot. But I miss him. I just want him to hold me. To tell me it'll all be ok."

Originally, Sehyuk planned to continue to hold this heart to heart while he was on the other side of the island. However, seeing Hansol whimper into his food, Sehyuk couldn't resist the temptation of circling around the counter and engulfing the smaller boy in his arms.  Logically, shushing the boy wouldn't work, so Sehyuk opted for gently rubbing the small boy's back. There wasn't too much he could do to comfort him when he was in hysterics, this he knew from past experiences, but he could still try. 

Hansol cried into Sehyuk's chest for a little while longer, up until he was calmed down enough to continue to eat. Once he was, Sehyuk sat back and watched him as he slowly ate. The older man wished he could have comforted Hansol more, but he was happy he at least pulled some information from the younger to pass on to Jiho.

After Hansol finished eating, he curled up under a blanket on the couch, watching Silent Hill. He only made it halfway through the movie before Jiho and Byungjoo showed up. They didn't say anything, but instead opted to maneuver Hansol so they could sit the same way as the previous night. After a few minutes of staring at the screen, Byungjoo jumped a little and Jiho chuckled at his lover.

"Do you like scary movies, Hansol?" Jiho asked after another whimper escaped Byungjoo.

"They're my favorite," the smaller boy mumbled softly, eyes still fixated on the television.

"I like 'em too. Joo is bit of a scaredy cat, though."

Hansol didn't reply and neither of the other men spoke again, but they could both see the small twitch of a smile on Hansol's face.

The three men continued to watch the movie in silence; Jiho's hand never leaving Hansol's leg. Byungjoo started watching the movie with his hand petting gently over Hansol's hair. However, sometime later, without realizing it, Byungjoo managed to grab the older man's hand in his fear. Hansol didn't move away, so once Byungjoo realized what he did, he figured it must have been ok, and opted to not move away.

Finally, much to Byungjoo's joy, the movie ended. There was a delay, a stagnant silence, that followed where no one moved or spoke. The screen of the television went to the main screen of the DVD, but no one was paying attention. Jiho couldn't look away from the sight of Byungjoo and Hansol holding hands. Byungjoo was staring at Hansol's hand intertwined with his own. And Hansol... well, Hansol was still looking at the screen.

"I'm curious, Hansol," Jiho spoke, slicing the silence with his soft voice. "Do you have any clues about your soulmate?"

Hansol didn't visibly move or react, but Byungjoo could feel his grip tighten softly around his hand.

"No." The word came so softly, if any background noise was happening, both of the other men would have missed it.

"When was the last time you cried?" Byungjoo asked, his own curiosity piqued. He and Jiho had been lucky to find each other so quickly, so he was always curious about others' soulmates.

"Last night."

There was a breath. A pregnant pause.

"But I thought they had died."

Byungjoo gasped. Naturally he knew death of soulmates was possible. Of course someone can't live forever, but he never considered the  _ actual  _ possibility. The death of your soulmate would leave you so inconceivably in pain, no other emotions even possible. It was a harrowing experience, from what Byungjoo had read.

"I didn't cry for years. Probably close to 3. And I was always hurting. I thought they died."

It was the most Jiho heard Hansol say and all he wanted was to keep the older boy talking; his voice was so soft and unique.

"But you cried last night?" Jiho asked, his palm gently stroking at the cotton covered skin of Hansol's ankle, hoping his actions could draw the words from the other.

"Yea, I did. It was... strange. I hated not having my own tears. I am always crying, but never have my own tears to cry. But last night..." Jiho could see Hansol close his eyes. He looked over to Byungjoo to see tears streaming down his face. They made eye contact before both looking back to the blue haired wonder. "Last night I was so sad. I cried. And I had tears to cry. It was nice."

The tips of Byungjoo's fingers were turning red, while Hansol's were turning white, from how tight he was squeezing the younger's hand.

"Hansol," Byungjoo began to say softly, his free hand coming up to stroke the blue locks in front of him. He choked on a sob as he began to speak, but continued over it. "Can I hug you?"

Sangdo had a very lengthy talk with both Jiho and Byungjoo about the proper way to handle

abuse victims. They were both well aware they shouldn't make too sudden of movements without warning. They especially shouldn't make too much contact without permission; it could trigger a panic attack or worse.

Hansol had to think about it. Did he want to be hugged right now? Especially by one of the most beautiful men he ever saw?

Sure, why not.

He nodded softly. If Byungjoo had to rely on sight, he wouldn't have caught the motion, but luckily Hansol's head was still laying on his thigh.

Ever so gently, with Jiho's help, Byungjoo moved Hansol into a sitting position, angled slightly toward Jiho. It wasn't until the blond man's arms wound gently around Hansol's midsection, that Jiho noticed the tears falling slowly from the older's eyes. He moved slowly, his hands clearly in Hansol's line of sight, and brushed the wet trail away with the pad of his thumb. It was a barely there gesture, but it seemed to jar Hansol from his trail of thought.

"You're crying," Hansol said softly, but matter-of-factly.

Shocked, Jiho withdrew his hand to feel at his own face. And sure enough, there were indeed tears streaming down his face. The faint taste of salt on his lips was familiar, yet foreign. Normally he would kiss away Byungjoo's tears, leaving the taste behind. It wasn't often Byungjoo was sad enough for Jiho to cry as well.

When Hansol opened his arms in Jiho's direction, it took a moment for the black haired man to recognize what was happening, too caught up in the tears on his cheeks. When he did realize, Jiho gratefully leaned into the older man's embrace.

It took a few moments of shuffling, but eventually the three found a comfortable position to cuddle together on the small couch. Hansol's weight may have been slightly crushing on Byungjoo's waist, but at least he could hold the his hand. Jiho was pressed in between the back of the couch and Byungjoo's hip, but his own leg was thrown over the back of Hansol's thighs. Hansol was now laying on his stomach, trapped within Byungjoo's legs, his head resting on the younger man's abdomen. He may have been physically trapped, but he had never felt so  _ free  _ in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from Melanie Martinez's Dead To Me.

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at/with me on [tumblr](http://silent-terrorx.tumblr.com/)~


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